[if you are my mother, please stop reading. right now. just ... trust me.]
Yes, I said lube. Stay with me.
A while back I mentioned that we were toying with the idea of trying for a second baby, and that if all went well, we'd probably start trying when the season wrapped up and we were settled at home again.
Well, against doctor's "orders" I convinced the hubby to start trying a little early. In all honesty, I really just asked, "Hey, do you want to have baby-making sex?" And he said, "Duh." I'm pretty sure all he heard was, "Sex?" but I mean ... details, details. So we more or less started trying.
The only problem was that we ran out of KY. I know that's probably too much information for some of you, but you chose to read on after the word "lube" so ... deal. You're pot committed now.
I like to think my husband and I have a fairly healthy sex life, but there are days when between hockey practice and kindergarten and grocery shopping and playdates and team events and well, just life, that we don't have time for a whole lot of ... foreplay.
We're all adults here (I hope). So I'm just going to be frank with ya: Sometimes we use lube.
But like I said, we ran out of the good stuff from home. So we went to the sex shop down the street, thinking there would be an abundance of choices. I mean, sex is everywhere in Europe. TV, newspapers, magazines, billboard ads. There are sex shops and red light districts almost anywhere you go. These people have got to know their lubes right?
Wrong. So incredibly wrong.
We tried three and they were all awful.
So I called Tanja (a fellow hockey wife who had just returned home to Canada).
Taaaaaaaaaaaaaanja, I have a favor to ask ...
She whatsapp'd me from the store a few days later.
Um, what kind do you want?
The normal kind.
What kind is that?
Um, I've never bought lube. I've never even been down this aisle.
So she sent a picture.
That one Tanja, toward the bottom left.
Bless her heart. Two weeks later, I was at the Zollamt picking up my special little package. If you read about my last trip to the Zollamt, you know that they make you open your package in their presence. I am (obviously) a pretty open person but that was awkward.
Ich ... sex ... aber ... sex ... was ... bitte ... morgen ... kein ... sex ... weiner schnitzel ... ? Scheiße, this is going nowhere fast again.
I then resorted to using my hands which, shockingly, didn't do me any favors.
I still can't believe that we went through so much trouble for lube. And I still feel guilty about forcing Tanja down that aisle (although I'd also like to think I may have opened a few doors ... her boyfriend can thank me later). But boy was it worth it!
Needless to say, it's now on our packing list for this coming season. Think I should add it to my packing for Europe posts?
Note: If you are trying to conceive, check out Pre-Seed Fertility Friendly Lubricant.